We Call Holland Home

Don Imus & Good Ol Rev Al

2007-04-12T15:43:00.000-07:00

You know I am pissed that they fired him today. I thought the suspension was message enough. I sincerly hope I am not offending anyone here.

Don Imus - Runs camp for trouble youths and disabled kids. Is primary funder of the Judy Center for Down syndrome and the Tomorrow Children Center for Cancer at the Joseph Stanzari childrens hosptial in NJ. Rude, crude and abnoxious but not a bad guy. Defender and philthropist of handicaped children.

Rev Al
First I am from upstate NY not far from where Rev Al ruined many lives. It was called the Tawana Brawley Case some you might actually have been too young to remember it so here is how it went.

Tawana Brawley was a African American girl who wrote racial slurs across her body through herself into a trash bin and claimed rape so her step father would not beat her for coming in late and having sex. She was about 14 or 15 at the time. Old enough to know better. She then falsely accused a State Prosecutor Steven Pagonas of raping her. She ruined his marriage his family, he lost his job and almost his life from the depression. Rev Al was yelling at how this man should spend the rest of his life in jail, had a special prosecutor appointed by the state all of his usual bull shit (sorry). All the while he knew it was a lie because she admitted it to him earlier on. So rather then take the high road he kept it up and made money off of it. He ruined a city and a town. God forbid you were white and went to motor vehicle you were taking your life into your hands after that.

Well they were "found out" a few years later and they were suied he amitted he lied and has not paid a dime back to the city or to Steven Pagonis for the judgment that he got against him and C Vernon Mason the lawyer for Brawley and Shaprton. He filed bankruptcy and said he could not pay. I am sure he pays a bundle for that doo of his.

No where was good Old Rev Al when those boys down south were wrongly accused by a african american woman, where was he when that prosecutor used that girl and and them to win an election. No where. Where was Good Old Al when IMUS said Mother Threasa a Saint or Bitch. No Where. He claims to want to stop the hate speech but on my block them good ol boys call each other N word all the ding dong day. What about the rappers calling their own women Hoe's. I say clean your house first. Sell your wife's 20K coat take your 1 Million dollar house and get your kids out of the private school you send them too. Make the right the wrong you committed when you ruined a life. And then I will listen.

Why is it OK to fire IMUS for that but when a Christian, Jew, Catholic, Homosexual, mentally disabled person is hurt and made fun of. This Jerk is no where to be found except in the hair salon.

I am sorry I am so angry right now. What IMUS did Was WRONG no doubt but no worse then what he did. I will fight for the ones that help our kids.

Happy Easter - He Has Risen

2007-04-07T18:59:00.000-07:00

He has Risen - Truly he has Risen! Happy Easter all. Father Paul had us say that like 20x tonight but I love it. Tomorrow is Easter and we celebrate the rising of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Of Course, the kids love the Easter Bunny too. But I always try to make all of that very low key. Enough for the kids to have fun but to remember that today it is about Jesus and his death and resurrection. Easter does have some secularism to it with the Easter Bunny and egg hunts but the truth is I love it because it is not as commercialized as Christmas. In our society today commercialism comes with the territory so to speak but you don't see people fighting where to put rabbits or crosses.

It is a quite time where Passover goes and comes and Easter goes and comes with out much fan fair other then the bunny in the mall. Even with the cold the days get longer and spring is in the air. A renewing of life and our baptismal vows to God. What a perfect time for him to rise. When everything old is new again and life comes back after a long winter.

So when you see someone on the street do what Father Paul does Say He Has Risen and ask them to say to you Truly He Has Risen.

Peace and God Bless.

Autism

2007-04-07T05:38:00.000-07:00

I don't want people to thing I am insensitive to the agony of mom's of kids with Autism I often wonder if I my son is blessed for having Down syndrome instead of Autism. My son can relate and love and hug and do many things children of Autism have a hard time with. I know several mom's of Autistic kids, one is a friend. She has a daughter with Autism and a Son with Down syndrome. She was amazing when I found out about Bryan and I was introduced to her, how can I not admire her faith in God her strength and her courage. It must be far more devastating to think you have a perfectly normal child only find out you don't.

But that being said I am angry that Autism is front and center, that all the celebrities come out for it. HELLO there are a ton of celebrities with siblings with Down syndrome where the hell are they? Someone please tell me. Autism is in the front and the parents are getting support from all the organization's, stores asking you to pay a dollar and support the cause, find the cure.

All of this while our children are systematically targeted for death on a daily basis. Why because you can not find Autism on an amnio? Why are these children worth everyone time and effort and dollars and ours are not? Because they look different. I have seen Autism first hand and yes it is a spectrum disorder it varies widely much like Down syndrome but most are far worse off then our kids. Yet they live because people thought they were normal prior to birth, and not dare I say Mentally Disabled.

So the message to my son is, it is OK to be Mentally Disabled and look normal there we will work to find a cure but if you are born with Almond Shaped eyes and are Mentally Disabled you are not worthy of our tax dollars, or your life.

Well piss on them then. My son is worth just as much as Toni Braxton's son, and others who receive this devastating diagnosis I know better then anybody the upside down, in the pit of your stomach feeling that your child will never be what you dreamed. But yet everyday people tell me he is not, I knew he had Down syndrome before birth I choose life and for that my son will be told in actions of others that he is so not worthy of life because I knew.

I know this sounds angry but I am. I write this with a heavy heart because we have tried to get Down syndrome Awareness on Oprah and she has flatly refused to even address the situation. Maybe a filler we will be in touch. There is a Major book coming out that we wrote 63 mothers. And yet she has ignored it. Sure it is easier to ignore it then to address it and educate people.

In closing I just hope someone in the spotlight opens their eyes to see the Genocide that is being performed on our children with Down syndrome everyday. Not out of being malicious but out of ignorance. And for that I blame the Dr's.

And what I also find ironic is our child with Down syndrome some have Austim. And yet I think they go unoticed too.

The Article in the Long Island Catholic

2007-03-11T19:59:00.000-07:00

We here it is the link to the arctile in the Long Island Catholic. I was OK with the way it turned out. I would have liked a little more clarification on parts and I feel that some words got "twisted" a bit. But overall I think the reporter did a great job. He was so sweet and nice and really tried to express my feelings the best he good. I was impressed with him.

http://www.licatholic.org/news/030707/DownSyndrome.htm

Please let me k

A lot of News!

2007-03-08T03:43:00.000-08:00

A lot has happened regarding the book, Bryan and the boys so here it is! First I did my speech about Bryan and the book at the Long Island Colaltion for Life on February 26th. It was very well received. Since then I met a lady named Leticia that writes for Faith and Family magazine and she is interested including me in a book call Catholic Mom's and Down syndrome. She has beautiful daughter with Down syndrome who is 4.

Also the Long Island Catholic has done an article and interview with Bryan and myself, a professional photographer came and everything it was very exciting. I have gotten many other calls about other projects since then, and I will be speaking at a "meet the author" night at my older boys school. I am hoping to work on that legislative proposal by the summer once I am done with work for summer vacation. I really need to do some major research to make sure all my facts are 100% on the money. My problem is that the only pro life person I could have turned to became homeland security chief for my state. Then a pro choice person got voted in. So it will be an uphill battle I think.

I want to tell you I'm so proud of Danny too. He had to write a letter to someone who is different for homework one night. He wrote the letter to Bryan and went on to tell him how much he loved him, how much he loved all the little things that Down syndrome brings that makes him who he is and that God loves him just the way he is! It drove me to tears. It is so amazing what kids can teach adults.

Kevin Tyler is well and is doing great in school. He is such a funny kid, he is always full of interesting facts. He can ask and answer trivia all day. I just don't know what he gets it all. Because some of this stuff is pretty hard. Looks like I have a future jeopardy champ in my house!!!

Kevin is doing well too. Working a lot as usual. That is about it really for now. I am sorry I don't get to do this much anymore but I will try to be better and blog a bit more. I will let everyone knows how the "meet the author" goes.

Just Too Much

2007-02-08T19:55:00.000-08:00

Today I got an email from another mom that had a child with Down syndrome. She said all kinds of horrible things. My first response was anger of course, the second was hurt, the third was pitty.

I pitty her because she apparently has no life of her own if all she has time to do is pick apart mine. She did not like that Bryan scored very high on his testing. I thought we were supposed to be happy when good things happen and sad and pray for the other when it is not so good.

I have been through a lot recently not that she cared. I was under the impression that I belonged to a special group of women that shared the same goal. Yes there are some I will always call my friend but now I know some I never will. I will always respect them as a mother of a special needs child but condsider them my friend no. I will pray for them that whatever bitterness they feel will go away. I use to keep my guard up not get too close to people. Well my son changed that for me until now.

Personally I think my son has taught me a great deal about patience and understanding and to accept my children and people for who they are. I don't think her son taught her any of that and that is truly sad.

Selfish Advocacy.

2006-11-04T14:25:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while I come across a person that is advocating for their child. And I spot them a mile away. They are selfish advocates. A selfish advocate is someone who seeks glory out of advocating for his or child, for the attention. As a result the child suffers at the hand of the parents attention seeking. I have seen this many times, and frankly it up sets me.

When I started the idea for a BC book and I merged with Kathy I was more then willing to give any control. She was wonderful and I knew it the moment I heard her voice. This lady is going to make my dream a reality. And she did in more ways then I could have ever guessed. You see my dream was not to be famous for editing a book that told the joys of Down syndrome it was to make a difference. And to me this book is making a difference so the dream is alive and well.

There are women and men that would have never done that. Given it up for the greater good. I know my limitations and I know with out Kathy this could not have happened so fast, and gone so far. With her unselfish dedication and willingness to include so many on her project and then give everyone else the credit when it was truly her vision that got us where we are today is amazing. We alll did our parts, Carla, Joel, Tara, and Rebecca were generous with their time and dedication and never ask for anything in return. These wonderful women are what UNSELFISH Advocay is about. I am so proud to call myself their friend and co worker on this wonderful endvevor.

I really can not deal with the person who is always me and I, even when other people are involved. I feel when you are dealing with Down syndrome there is no Me or I we are all in it as group a family together. I have no room for selfish advocacy in my life, none. I need to fill my space with people who realize the greater good of our kids is more important then any fame and fortune we could achieve because of them.

Let us remember that our children all of them are special and for whatever reason we were blessed with them. It so easy to get caught up in the me and I in this. Make it your calling to advocate for them. But remember you are advocating for them not for yourself.

Makes you Wonder

2006-10-22T07:14:00.000-07:00

You know every once in a while a friend makes the most ingorant comment and you want to throw up your hands and quit. I try very hard to educate about Down syndrome and that it is not the "suffering early in life death sentence" that some people want you to beleive. Hard sometimes yes.

But what is harder then any Dr.'s appointment, therapy or school is the perception out that about our kids, that they are stupid. First of all Bryan has scored in the normal range congnatively so far he has a typical score on all the tests he has taken. And I tell that little mind is always going.

Now yesterday I was at a birthday party and a very good friend of mine was there. She was in on the Diagnosis from the start and has been around for all of Bryan's 20 months thus far. Now we have not seen her since July do to children busy schedules etc. So when she saw him it started out really nice. He got so big, how cute it is he etc. Then she said you mean he holds his up! And he can crawl already, OMG he is standing I though they did not do that stuff so young. Ok, I blew off the ignorate comment, then he started showing off his signs and was talking a bit and she says; you mean he understands you, he can talk and do sign language? What did she think he was a bump that would never do anything?

It pissed me off, because that is the perception of our kids, they are miserable suffering little babies with no hope of a normal life. I have one thing to say BULL SHIT!!!! and I am tired of it frankly. Our kids are smart, creative, intelegent and happy children. Why some people insist on saying otherwise when they do not know just amazes me.

Now what scares me, is her not knowing Bryan is more typical then not. She might repeat wrong information about my son to someone else. You know they ones who say they can give out information about Down syndrome because of family and friends they know.

The Little Things Mean A lot

2006-10-19T18:03:00.000-07:00

You know very often I watch the boys together all three of them. Sometimes I get a little sad Bryan is only starting to pull to stand and four point crawling because he loves to be involved of every aspect of Danny and Ty's life.

When their friends are over Bryan (who knows where there room is) crawls into their room in seconds waiting to be a part of whatever is going on. Even when it is just them, he looks for them.

Well tonight they were in their room and Bryan was amusing himself with me in the playroom. He was rolling the soccer ball, then would crawl after it and roll it to the other side and just go back and forth. Well Ty saw this and sat down to roll the ball to him, then our resident clown Danny comes in and starts batting the soft soccer ball off his head. Oh my God, Bryan was laughing so hard he fell backwards.

They love making that child laugh more then anything, balls off their heads, silly voices, singing Broadway show tunes. They love that little brother they both wanted to so badly. Down syndrome means nothing to them at all.

So sometimes I watch them together and it is just the little things they do with him that mean so much. It makes me proud to be their mom. Bryan is the best thing that ever happened to them. They are not burdened by him at all, in fact I am proud they are learning that everyone is deserving of respect and love.

They were told I choose to keep him and why even at their young age they understood, and they tell Bryan, mommy knew we were ok and we were going to be her kids, but she choose to have you just the way you are. We are special to her in one way and you are special to all of us in another. And they are only 7 & 6 years old.

Family Update

2006-10-17T15:37:00.000-07:00

Kevin is doing so wonderful in school. He has received a 100% on every spelling test and got 14.5 out of 15 right on his very first math test.

I am so proud of him. The teacher tells me he is gifted and would not be surprised if he entered the gifted program next year. He is like a little sponge that one. He talks about everything including current news events.

He is also a prayer. He is still praying for Katrina Victims and Victims of the tsunami. He knows the second half of grace they say in school by heart. I have never seen a 6 year old pray and understand his faith the way he does. In fact he yelled at me for going to church at 7:00 am on Sunday with out the family. I have been doing this because we are busy. But he knows we never miss mass and is very anxious to get back.

Danny is doing wonderfully too. For a child that has ADD is is basically supposed to be in 2nd grade and is in 3rd (his birthday is the end of November), he is very smart as well the teacher said. He just can not sit still. However, I do not believe in medication and will not do it as long as he is doing well academically. He is playing the Flute in band and doing a very good job at it I might add, he is also earning a lot more badges with Cub Scouts and wants to be an egale scout one day. He too is doing quite well with religion and loves to go to mass on Sunday now that he can receive his communion. But he would rather watch Danny phantom then pray unlike Kevin Tyler who would rather pray.

Bryan is doing really well. He has the croup right now but has not been sick a day since the spring so I can not complain really. For a kid with Down syndrome he is doing really well with the illnesses. He is started to try to take steps, and is saying words and signing a lot of different signs now. His therapists love him and in school they tell me he has scored on the typical level cognitively now since school started which is amazing. His speech is behind a typical 20 month old, and he still has a few little OT issues, and of course his gross motor delays are the biggest problem right now. But other than that he is doing well. His teachers are very impressed by him.
I am right where I was last year. A busy little bee, PTA President again this year, den mother and I still have my Lions Club. I miss the big time salaryfrom being a Vice President but I love my little job at the High School in the cafeteria. It is fun the kids and the ladies are great and I am being taught to fill in for the big cook when she is out. Oh and of course the book Gifts. It will be out very soon and I am so excited. I thank God I met Kathryn and she was able to pull this off. I know it is going to be a smash hit!

Kevin is doing well with work and is still on the school board and is doing his charity work for the Knights of Columbus. His good friend is the head honcho for the next two years so Kevin was roped into chairing the Santa Party for the kids this year.

Oh yeah Kevin spoke at Church last month to raise money for Special Olympics for the Knights of Columbus. He was a smash hit. They raised more money when he spoke then any other speaker a whopping $678.00. I am so proud of that. A few weeks later Bryan and Kevin were invited to his friends installation dinner so all the members could meet my darling little boy.

I will update the family post next week.

To Keep or Not To Keep

2006-10-16T18:07:00.000-07:00

Lately there has been a lot of commenting on other blogs on whether or not it is right to go forward with a pregnancy when you find out there is something wrong. My personal position is obvious. I feel that you need to deal with what God gave you regardless.

That being said I do think that women have the right under the law to make their own decision. And I do feel that in the case of a lethal diagnosis that I could understand someone making that choice, even if I would not go that route personally.

What I do not understand is termination for Down syndrome. A child with special needs is hard work no doubt but the rewards are great. There is no easy way out of life regardless. I think most women terminate with the idea that it is the easy way to not have to deal with a special needs child. But is that really the easy way out? You need to grapple with the fact you killed your own child. I think some realize it would have been easier to keep the baby and at the very least put it up for adoption rather than deal with the murder of their own baby.

I know this is a very touchy subject, that is why I am putting here on my blog but one has to wonder really what goes through someone's head. Termination can lead to later miscarriages and some women do not even go on to have children after.

I pray for these women everyday that they are able to forgive themselves so God can forgive them but it is increasingly hard to keep that up when they hurt our children with their words, and in their hateful actions.

I really feel this is something that needs to be explored. Why do some women like myself feel so strongly that life is sacred and other feels it is expendable like changing your mind at a fast food restaurant. Hmmm you know that burger has a flaw throw it out and give me a new one.

We Call Holland Home

2006-10-16T16:40:00.000-07:00

I guess for those of you who are friends and family and are not familiar with the poem Welcome To Holland. I need to explain the title first. When I found out Bryan had Down syndrome I was given a poem called Welcome To Holland. This is the poem.

Welcome To Holland
byEmily Perl Kingsley
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved.

Matthew and ... I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

This poem was instrumental in bringing me to accept what I was told. My my baby boy will have Down syndrome. What this ment to us as a family I did not know, I just knew all of us Kevin, myself, Danny and Kevin Tyler were about to embark on a special trip to Holland apparently.

Well Bryan is almost 2 now and it was two years on October 7th I knew my son would have Down syndrome at birth. And I can honestly say that I love being in Holland!

So now in our house We Call Holland Home! Welcome to the Roach Family Blog, We Call Holland Home Blog Spot!!! I will be updating the blog weekly so please check for exciting family news on all three boys and us.